Confessions
by Felinae Silvestris
Summary: Confessing to your fears is never easy. Confession is never easy, if one fears judgement. Alonzo fears judgement, but he admits to being scared of what would happen if he and Macavity were caught. Slash, nothing graphic except the language at times.


A/n: I'm back from my trip away and a relatively long hiatus. So.. hi. This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago and it follows on from Secrets and Lies. It's the same pairing, and the theme is: Sins. Word count is 741. Potentially offensive material is contained in this fic but if you're offended by this, which is really just an objective point of view, then you're way too sensitive. Enjoy more slashy fun.

Oh and come check out the challenge! Visit my homepage and look for the Lounge link to the forum.

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**Confessions**

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"Are those claw marks, on your face? Who-"

"It doesn't matter."

"I think it does. Who did that, Alonzo?"

I couldn't possibly refuse such a demanding tone. The one thing I loved and hated about Macavity, he always knew when something bothered me. He refuses to hear 'no', won't leave me alone until I tell him what's wrong. Black hearted, my tail. He looks after his own, that's all.

"Bombalurina," I finally confess, feeling sheepish.

"Why?"

"I told her to fuck off."

"Not very smart."

"No. She was bugging me though. Doing my head in."

I was fidgeting. He tried to get me to relax, stroking gentle claws down the back of my neck in a way that usually has me melting into a puddle of purring, happy kitty-cat. It wasn't working so well. He didn't speak, but somehow I felt I needed to explain further.

"She wanted me to stay in the Junkyard tonight. Insisted on it. Something about Demeter freaking out about you. As usual. I dunno what the fuck you did to her, Mac, but…" I paused when he started to look a little sheepish.

"It doesn't matter."

"She's got it in her head that you've been hanging around the Junkyard."

"I have been."

"I know." I think I was a bit too snappy, I felt him tense up. The moment passed quickly though.

"That's what your worried about isn't it. You're not worried about Demeter at all. You're scared of getting caught."

I nodded, looking at my own paws in order to avoid his eyes. Of course I was afraid of getting caught. As far as the Jellicles were concerned, I'd committed the worse possible sin there was, and they had no idea. I wanted to keep it that way. I've watched humans in that big cold brick building, furtively looking around before crawling into that wooden box. I've listened to them confess their own sins to the priests, the men who tell them they're forgiven by God, whoever the fuck that is. All I know is these priest guys don't judge, which is probably why the people will admit things to them that they'd never admit to anyone else.

I don't have that. Well, Macavity doesn't judge me, because he's done worse than I could ever imagine. The trouble is, he already knows about this one, obviously, and I can't talk to anyone else. I bet not even that God guy knows what would happen if I did.

"What do you think would happen if they found out?" he asked me. Macavity had always been a bit more relaxed about getting found out.

"I don't know. That's what worries me."

"If you're that worried, then maybe we shouldn't…"

"No! I… no. I'm just…"

"Scared. Alonzo, if the worst should happen, do you really think I'd leave you to deal with it alone?"

That surprised me. I'm not sure why, but it did. Macavity's never been forthright, he doesn't like to talk about emotions, or feelings or anything like that. Most toms are like that to an extent. I know I am, but I'm nothing compared to him.

"What? But-"

"Look," he sighed, "You see past the reputation. You know I'm not… half of what they say is exaggerated. All I mean is, if Munkustrap found out about us, and kicked you out or… whatever. I wouldn't leave you to fend for yourself. You'd come back with me, I'd have thought that was obvious."

I shook my head. "You're far too subtle, Mac." I was smiling a little though, it was hard not to.

"Fine. I'll stay away from the Junkyard for a while. We can meet somewhere else."

I grinned, nuzzling into his neck. "Thanks."

He chuckled and I looked up at him. I flinched a little as his paw brushed against the scratch marks on my cheek. Bombalurina had sharp claws. "Ow. Watch it."

"Sorry. You need to watch yourself, Lonz. It's always safer to be nice to her, you know."

"How do you know that?" I demanded.

"Ah, that's a story for another day. C'mon. You'd better get back there, it's getting early."

Five minutes later I was on my way home. It gets harder to walk away from him but I know I have to. I have a job to do elsewhere, pointless sham that it is. I'm the noble, good, Jellicle Guardian. No matter what sins I've committed.


End file.
